


Hold me by the heart

by ziwooi



Category: SKAM (TV), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Literally a lot of fluff, M/M, i'm so sorry i'm so sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 09:58:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10274327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziwooi/pseuds/ziwooi
Summary: Vilde is in love with Eva but she's not able to express her feelings to her. Until she does.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title of the fic is inspired by **[this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwFd0A7xRLM)** amazing song by Khelani.
> 
> I'm so obsessed with Evilde, I'm not even sorry.
> 
> Is not my first language, neither my second and I had to beta myself, any mistakes made are totally my fault and please point them out to me, nicely. Thank you.

"You have to see this for real, it's insane." Even said with a smile as he sat next to Isak, passing the phone to Eva and Noora who were sitting together. Isak raised his eyebrow looking at his boyfriend with confusion until he realized what he was talking about.

Vilde took the time to realize what he was talking about, and even though she was freaking out on the inside, she smiled and looked at the phone pretending to be impressed. The rumours started yesterday when she was writing like she did everyday. Normally the blog had a couple of viewers and nobody left comments or gave any opinion, something that Vilde appreciates because the idea of someone judging her real feelings terrified her.

But yesterday everything changed when she received her first comment, which evolved to ten more, and then people began to share it and the visits increased quickly. It wasn’t that she had given any clue that it was her blog but the panic still surrounded her. The worst thing was when she entered into instagram and saw screenshots of some of her publications. People from the high school was talking about it, people who knew her and saw her daily, but nobody knew who she was, and she had no intention of saying it.

"Is it the freak boy's blog?" Isak asked looking at his boyfriend who looked back at him with an expression that seemed irresistible to Isak. "Sorry, the _romantic_ boy.”

Even gave him a smile and bent to give him a short kiss on the lips. They were adorable and few people argued about it, in fact since the rumor spread through the institute they looked like the new couple of the year.

At Hartvig Nissens the rumors spread faster than they should, and within minutes if something interesting happened, the whole school would know. Most of the time, everything people told was lies and sometimes, the rumors became secrets discovered that persecuted those involved throughout the year.

Vilde was the type of person who enjoyed knowing about the others, it wasn’t something she asked for in a needy way, but people get used to going to her to gossip, and she didn’t mind doing it until people made her talk about herself.

She worked hard everyday to keep friends around and avoid displeasing people. The obsession to touch perfection was something that tormented her not only on a physical level, also on a social level.

She liked to have everything she could under control, that people would listen to her and could share her way of behaving with the world, or at least the way of being that she made up to please people. Sometimes it was difficult for her to differentiate between her own life and the lies that she had invented to impress people.

But there were really only four people who really knew her and with whom she felt comfortable being herself, although sometimes she couldn’t. Noora, Sana, Chris and Eva had become her best friends and her family. To her, they all had something to envy, something she could never be. Noora was beautiful, thin and intelligent. Sana was beautiful too, she was very confident, special, intelligent, and Chris was beautiful, brave and confident too, also she was so funny that it was impossible to hate her.

With Eva it was different, it was admiration. Eva was insecure sometimes she could see how she struggled to love herself, and Vilde sometimes wished Eva could see herself the way she did it.

 

* * *

 

Magnus picked her up at class and they walked to her house together. From what happened at Christmas they spent more time together, for Vilde, Magnus was a good boy, he treated her well and he always cared about her, they shared several tastes in common and they always ended up laughing at nonsense. Vilde sometimes wished she could give him more than she could, but she couldn’t.

They started kissing each other in bed as they did every day since the school began. Sometimes, when they made out, Vilde felt like she really liked kissing Magnus, it was a strange feeling to her because at the same time her body didn’t feel anything for him.

Since the Christmas party, they hadn’t done anything sexual and it wasn’t because he didn’t show interest in her, it was because she tried to avoid it in every way possible, because she didn’t think about him when they were kissing, and she felt like a bad person. Sometimes she thought it was like kissing a friend on a party when you’re really drunk, but she would never say it out loud.

They rolled over the bed while the intensity of the kisses increased and Vilde thanked God that her phone started ringing, because she had run out of excuses to stop that type of situations, although she knew that Magnus wouldn’t be angry or complain if she simply said no, but the need to avoid problems with everyone made Vilde prefer to invent a few unrealistic excuses.

"Wait, it's about the Kosegruppa," Vilde said as she dropped to the other side of the bed, while Magnus stroked her cheek gently.

"Are you going to have another party? Because I'm totally in." The boy replied and Vilde only smiled. She hated that they didn’t take things seriously, she had many things to plan for the end of the year, and the only ones who were interested in helping her were her friends, and the rest of the group just appeared at parties.

Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi joined the Kosegruppa at the last moment. At first, it bothered her and they had to discuss it in the group if they should be admitted or not. She remembered the day she approached them to join the group, but they refused. Later, she knew from Chris that Isak entered the group because he owed Sana a favor, and it was clear that Even was there for Isak. So basically no one cared about the group.

"It's not only about going to parties, we have to organize more things and nobody cares about that, I have to do all the work by myself.." She got up from the bed and walked towards the mirror that she had in front of the bed, putting her clothes well. "If you are going to participate in the parties, you should also appear at the meetings and not because Isak obliges you."

"Okay, I'm sorry, I didn’t want you to get upset, I'll try to help, okay?" Vilde turned and bent down to give him a short kiss on the lips, smiling at his answer.

"The first thing you can do is talking to P. Chris to see if he'll help or not, I know he's no longer studying here but he can’t just show up to make out with Eva and get drunk." Sometimes she wished P. Chris couldn’t participate in these things, there wasn’t a rule that would keep him away from the group, nor from Eva, and she wanted it more than anything, she really hated that guy since the first time she met him, but Eva was in love with him now.

"Chris? I don’t think he will be a problem, he told us he was going to break up with Eva as soon as he could, we think he's dating a university girl." Vilde's expression changed completely. He was a complete asshole, who would choose someone before Eva? She wanted to go and yell at him. She wanted to tell him that he didn’t deserve to have been with someone like her, that he didn’t deserve to have slept with her, that he didn’t deserve to have kissed her, hug her, touch her or to even met her.

"Poor Eva." Vilde merely said as she followed the boy with her gaze, which was getting up from bed to leave. "Are you leaving so soon? I thought you would stay and help me make the cupcakes."

"I'm sorry, my mother needs me, kitten." Magnus leaned over to kiss her again and then left, saying nothing else.

 

* * *

 

She wanted to call Eva to tell her everything she knew, but she couldn’t think a good way to tell her what Magnus had told her. Vilde knew that it would break her heart and if there was something that destroyed Vilde on the inside was to see Eva cry. As she thought about how to tell the news, her cell phone began to vibrate, it was Eva.

_Vilde?_

_Are u there? I need u_

_I know you’re with Magnus but you know Noora is gone_

_And Chris is with Kasper_

_Sana doesn’t answer me and god_

_You neither_

_Yes, I was preparing the kitchen for cooking._

_Is everything okay?_

_Do you need help with your philosophy work?_

 

Sometimes she felt bad for being the last one they came to, but it was something she understood perfectly. Noora and Eva were best friends so it would always be her first choice, but Noora was in London with William for a few weeks. Sana was with her family and Chris lately had little time to see her boyfriend so whenever she could she was with him. And she wasn’t very good at helping people with advice, she almost never knew what to say.

 

_Chris left me by a text message_

_And he doesn’t answer me anymore, I don’t know where to go_

_Really? You deserve better Eva, he's an idiot_

 

"Great Vilde, good choice of words." She sighed as she spoke alone and out loud, not caring if her parents had come home and could hear her.

 

_Do you want to come to my house?_

_I think my parents will be late today so you can sleep here_

_And you will be distracted with all the cooking_

_Also.. you are very good at decorating these things_

 

Eva didn’t answer, but Vilde knew she would come, so she started preparing everything for be able to cook the cupcakes for the Kosegruppa.

Vilde's house was very large and most of the times she was alone. Her favorite room had always been the kitchen, she remembered cooking with her grandmother when she was little, and later with her mother, although with time the kitchen became a winery that was filled and emptied every week.

Vilde enjoyed cooking and it was something she didn’t try to hide, even there were times she thought that would be her future. She dreamed about setting up a small bakery in Oslo and make great cakes for special events. She dreamed about people appreciating them and enjoying her work.

Vilde listened the doorbell and walked quickly to the door, not without first adjusting her dress and hair. She thought she would see Eva shattered but what she found was something totally different. She was smiling and god, she looked beautiful, but for Vilde, she would still be beautiful crying, because Eva was perfect for her.

Eva entered into Vilde’s house with a big smile on her face, it wasn’t the first time Eva saw her house. The first time she invited someone at her place it was her. Usually, her mother wouldn’t let her bring anyone and she never bothered to insist because she didn’t want anyone to see her constant family problems. But the first night Eva got the big drunkenness, she had no choice but to take her home and take care of her there, Noora wasn’t there and she wasn’t going to leave her lying in the street. In spite of the arguments that provoked in her family, Eva spent the night there and she didn’t regret it.

The next day Vilde created the blog, and since then she has written every day.

"Why are you so serious?" The redhead asked as she walked into the kitchen, not before removing her shoes at the entrance. "You know, I really want to cook, I thought we could make them different colors, you told me you had coloring for food, right?" Vilde nodded and followed her into the kitchen, staring at her black dress.

"Do you want me to lend you a pair of pajamas? You haven’t chosen the most suitable clothes to cook, I wouldn’t want you to destroy that dress." Vilde whispered as she watched Eva organize the ingredients. Her eyes were swollen, probably from everything she'd cried because of Chris.

"I was going to stay with Christopher and I didn’t have time to change my clothes. Don’t worry, it's a dress he bought me, I'd throw it when I got home."

Vilde didn’t insist and she went directly to help her with the ingredients. In less than five minutes they were making the dough, neither of them said anything, they were just focusing on following the recipe and listening to the background music. Vilde wanted to hug her, to tell her that everything would go well and that one day she would find the man of her life, who would treat her well and love her deeply. But she couldn’t even touch her arm or tell her everything she felt, and she knew she would never be brave enough to do it.

She was so immersed in her thoughts that she didn’t hear anything Eva was telling her until she felt the flour fall through her hair.

"Eva!" She exclaimed, looking at the red-haired girl who kept laughing, which made her laugh too.

Vilde took the sack of flour and began to chase her through the kitchen, eventually throwing eggs, sugar and all the flour they had. The walls were painted white and the floor had traces of egg that made it sticky.

"Come here, you're not going to escape from me Vilde." Eva screamed before walking into Vilde and cornering her against the wall, with flour in her hands.

They were very close, too close, Vilde could feel Eva's breath and even feel the heartbeats that were faster than normal for everything they had run through the kitchen, not because she was nervous as Vilde. Vilde’s legs trembled, feeling the closeness. And at that moment she wondered why she didn’t feel like this when she was near Magnus or why she never felt like that with William.

"You look pretty" Vilde said in a whisper, blushing instantly.

Eva smiled, looked up and caught eyes with Vilde, who was looking at her, making Eva felt more nervous than ever before. "We have to clean up, don’t we? And I'll need you to let me use the shower. "

 

* * *

 

Vilde felt stupid. Why did she say that to Eva? Of course she believed Eva was beautiful, but saying it out loud? Now Eva would be in the shower, thinking how stupid Vilde was and how everything turned out to be so weird in matter of minutes.

She finished drying her hair and then she sat on the chair in her room, staring at the door of the bathroom, eager to see the red-haired girl to apologize for what had happened before, for making everything more uncomfortable for both of them.

The bathroom door opened and Eva came out in her pajamas. Her hair was still wet and her face was red because she had been under the hot water for a long time. Vilde got up to get the dryer and then she turned back to where she was sitting, biting his lower lip. "Can I?" Eva nodded and walked to the chair where Vilde was, resting between her legs on the floor.

All of this reminded her of the times she'd taken care of Eva after getting drunk and vomiting all over the house, when she helped her bathe and then took care of her until she felt better. Vilde stroked Eva’s hair as she passed the dryer near her hair for a long period of time until she saw that it was completely dry.

"So are you," Eva said suddenly, leaving Vilde completely confused because she didn’t understand what she was talking about. "You're pretty too, I mean, I'm sorry I didn’t tell you before, I was a little bit nervous." Vilde turned around blushing as she listened Eva, without knowing what to say. "Well, look what I brought." Vilde followed Eve's eyes. The redhead got up from the floor and ran to get her bag, taking two bottles of wine out of the backpack.

"Do you want us to get drunk?" Vilde asked as she threw herself on the bed, picking up one of the bottles. She began to think that in order to be with Eva alone, it was necessary having alcohol in between them and that wasn’t a positive thing for her situation and neither for her feelings.

"Yes, but we could play something like truth or dare, I need to think in other things unrelated to Chris for at least half an hour, please." Eva said as she threw herself onto Vilde, laying on top of her, placing her face on the neck of the girl, smiling. "Truth or dare?" Eva asked without waiting for Vilde to think in a

"Dare, and how are we supposed to drink if we don’t have the option of drinking?" She asked, raising an eyebrow while she watched the girl opening her bottle.

"Drink whenever you feel like you want to and I dare you to tell me a secret." Vilde felt her stomach close as she heard the dare, wishing she could tell her what she felt. Although, she was nervous because she couldn’t think of any secret to tell, and she didn’t like lying to Eva either.

 _I love you_ , she wanted to say.

Eva arched an eyebrow and looked at her. “C’mon you need to tell me something, the rules are the rules, and you hate breaking them.”

"I think I'm in love," She said all of sudden, looking away so she wouldn't had to face what she had just said.

"Do you think so? It’s obvious! I'm not blind, I've seen how you look at Magnus." Eva sat next to Vilde and she ran a hand through her arm, trying to show her that it wasn't anything wrong about her feelings, but what she produced was more nervousness. "Do you want to talk about it? About Magnus."

Vilde denies with her head and lets herself be stroked by the girl. "Truth or dare?" Vilde said before biting her lower lip and moving, laying in the bed, her head on Eva's legs. "Truth," Eva answered before stroking Vilde's hair.

"Do you think I’m a good kisser?" That wasn’t the first question that came into her mind, she was going to ask some nonsense question about Jonas or Chris, but she just needed to know if she even remembered kissing her.

"I know we kissed, I remember kissing you but not the feeling, I think alcohol takes over my senses and I don’t even remember the taste of your lips." Eva shrugged and Vilde tried every possible way of not showing her disappointment and sadness, even though she was too expressive.

They spent an hour playing until the alcohol was over, the questions stopped being so intense and they started to ask stupid stuff, they stopped playing truth or dare, they were just two friends getting to know each other better. And they weren’t drunk like many of the other times because a couple of glasses of wine wouldn’t get Vilde and Eva drunk.

"Can I kiss you?" Vilde asked in a low voice, looking at her friend into the eyes while she was still lying on the bed with her head on Eva’s legs.

Eva’s hands were still on her hair and she was completely shocked and Vilde didn’t blame her. It wasn’t a good question to make to your very straight friend who usually makes out with you while she’s drunk and leaves you with your heart broken in pieces.

_Looking at her hurt._

Vilde closed her eyes and sighed heavily while she get up from the bed, picking up the wine bottles and walking towards the kitchen to throw them away. She felt so embarrassed that the idea of turning back to her room made her cry. The tears were falling from her eyes while she walked to the garden, trying to hide from her friend to avoid any questions. She didn’t know if the pain was because she was embarrassed to go back and explain what she had asked for, or because Eva had rejected her.

She sat on the curb of her front door, staring at the stars as she hugged her own legs.

 

_Vilde?_

_Where are you?_

_Outside._

 

She thought a lot about the answer but she couldn’t avoid her, not when she was probably still in her bed. Suddenly, she heard the door of her house and watched how Eva sat next to her without saying anything.

She thought it would be an awkward situation, but she felt rarely free when she asked Eva that question. Vilde turned to look directly into her eyes, with the intention to apologize. “I’m sorry Eva, maybe it was the wine who knows.” Vilde grimaced, noticing how Eva’s hand was now touching her arm, and for her that was enough.

Or that was what she believed it.

Eva’s lips smashed against her, and Vilde felt the need to explore her, touch her and feel her more than anytime. This time it wasn’t about being drunk or being in love, it was about her body feeling the consequences of the simple touches, about the taste of Eva’s lips and the way she desired more.

Vilde slipped her hand on Eva’s lower back, making Eva sit on the top of her, with one leg on either side of Vilde's body, without breaking the kiss any moment.

They kissed for a while, the longest time they’ve been kissing and the most important thing, Eva wasn’t drunk and somehow that gave her hope.

After their kissing session ended they went to the room and hugged each other in the bed, for a while they didn’t know what to say, but then they continued talking as if nothing happened, until Eva fell asleep and Vilde took her laptop.

Vilde had so much to say and to explain. She remembered the first time she wrote on the blog and how well it made her feel, the feeling of being able to talk to someone about what was happening in her real life. She knew that now the blog was followed by a lot of people and she had to be more careful, but she was so happy that she didn’t even care.

Tomorrow morning she would regret having stayed up late, but all she could think about was what had happened before. She closed the computer and went back to bed, lying down next to Eva without knowing what position she should adopt, until she noticed the girl's hands, bringing her to him to hug her.

 

* * *

 

“Isak!” She screamed while she was walking towards Isak who was leaning against the wall kissing Even. “Sorry but I need to talk to you, good morning Even you look cute.” Isak blinked in confusion, still not knowing what to do, his hands were still on the body of his boyfriend, until Vilde grabbed his arm to walk away where people couldn’t find them.

“What the fuck Vilde? I won’t do another fucking party for the Kosegruppa, I already did two in one month I think is fucking enough.” Isak said frowning his eyebrow, he was clearly upset.

“When did you realized that you were gay and Even was the right one?” Vilde said without thinking twice, she knew they were very personal questions but Isak was the only one who could help her now.

The silence surrounded them and Vilde just hugged him. She had never hugged Isak, but the feeling of being in front of someone who had experienced something similar to what was happening to her, it was peaceful.

"I think I always knew it but I didn't want to accept it, I don't know Vilde, why are you asking me that?" He was still hugging her and Vilde felt comfortable enough to start talking.

"I don't like Magnus, I never liked William and I feel like shit when I'm kissing them." Vilde stuttered, still holding the boy by the waist. "Do you remember the blog that Even was talking about the other day? It's not from the freak or romantic guy, it's mine."

"Shit okay." Isak took Vilde by the shoulders and pulled her away so he could meet her eyes. “When you feel the time is the right and the person is the one, everything will simply come out Vilde, and even if you are afraid of what people could think or what you could think about yourself, you won't care about it because fuck, the desire to be with that person will be bigger than the fear.”

Vilde bit her lower lip and stared at the ground once the boy had finished speaking. "She's going to reject me so much." She whispered, feeling the fear and the nerves in her stomach, but after hearing the boy's words and seeing how good it seemed to go for him, she decided to make the right decision. "I have to go, thank you again Isak."

 

* * *

 

Vilde always hated philosophy classes, the only good thing about them was that she was sitting next to Eva. She was so distracted about the Allegory of the Cave that she didn't notice when Eva was writing on a piece of paper which was in her case once written.

Vilde took the paper and read it with caution of not being watcher, because she didn't want the teacher expelling her or Eva.

 

_We need to talk._

 

Vilde felt sick when she read the note, but she put it in the case again and smiled as best as she could at her friend. Has Isak told her about their conversation this morning? Would she think all of this was because of her? When the siren sounded to change class, she sat waiting for the rest of the class to leave.

"Is something wrong? I'm sorry I had to throw you out so early this morning, but my mother gets angry when I bring people home, you know that." Vilde tried to apologize though the real reason was that Eva had gotten up in her arms and she knew that might have make Eva felt uncomfortable.

"I've never enjoyed kissing a girl, you know? But yesterday I liked it, and I also liked not being drunk while I was doing it." Eva got up from the chair and stood in front of Vilde, taking her hand. "Last night I saw you writing in the blog Vilde, and I don't know about who are you writing, but it's beautiful that you feel that way for someone, whether or not it's a boy."

"It's impossible, you were asleep." Vilde exclaimed, slowly withdrawing from the girl, utterly ashamed. For a moment she thought this was the right moment, that it was now or never.

"Vilde, who cares about who you love or who you like, if is not Magnus we will be happy for you anyway." Eva took her hand again, smiling fondly. "If it's William we will understand, although it will be a little strange for Noora, no one will judge you."

"I write about you, Eva." Vilde drew his hand away from the girl and rose to walk to the door, frightened to face the rejection. "I'm not in love or something, but I think I've never liked anyone like I like you, and I know it's weird and you'll be uncomfortable from now on, but I'm sure is something temporary. Don't push me away please, you're one of my best friends in the whole world, Noora, Sana, Chris and you means a lot to me, I don't want our squad to be broken because of me."

Eva walked after Vilde and grabbed her hand to stop her. "Do you remember what you asked me?" Vilde shook his head, looking at the hands of both of them intertwined. "The answer is yes, you're a fantastic kisser, you are actually a better kisser than Chris."

Vilde was in shock, of all the scenarios she had imagined about this situation this was the last one she could think about. Everything was happening too fast and in some way, she knew that, that was how things worked. Life was not a fairy tale or a Walt Disney movie, but hearing Eva saying that she liked kissing her or entwine her hand was pretty close to touching the unreal.

After noticing Eva leaving a kiss on her cheek, Vilde couldn't help herself of laughing. "And now what?"

Eve leaned over to leave a short kiss on her lips which turned into a longer kiss because she needed it more than ever. Then they walked to the next class, Eva looked happy and for a second Vilde felt that she could be the reason. People started to talk around them but Eva didn't let go Vilde's hand. "I don't know, but for now you could write to me what you feel and not on the blog, if you want to, of course."

"It feels good to me, and then?" Vilde stroked the girl's arm without letting go of her hand, walking beside her.

"We can ask Isak." Eva said in a gentle voice. "Even though I already talked with Even, I didn't know what to do about all the blog stuff, if told you I knew it or let it go."

"I asked Isak!" Vilde answered with a smirk on her face.

"Noora, Sana and Chris will be angry for not asking them, but they are not _Evak_." She joked looking at the girl, still not believing what was happening.

But she wasn't going to think about others anymore, or why things happened on one way and not another. She knew that she would have to go through many difficult times and that some days she would believe that saying everything out loud wasn't a good idea. She also knew that all of this could go wrong and that Eva's words had only been something of the moment, but she didn't regret it saying everything out loud.

Because even though at Hartvig Nissens the rumors spread faster than they should, this time Vilde didn't give a shit about people opinion.

**Author's Note:**

> It's the first time I write something alone and (I'm pretty sure you noticed) it's not my first language like I said before. But I'm trying to improve my English and I have a lot of imagination and stories I want to write.
> 
> You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/nastxya) and [tumblr](http://magnusbech.tumblr.com/), lots of love xx  
> 


End file.
